"Money, it's a gas, grab that cash with both hands and make a stash"

I see the money just as a way of exchange; I mean, that's the first idea when I think about it. This maybe sounds very naive, innocent or extremely obvious, but most of people feel a kind of kinky obsession when they have to buy things that don't need with the money that they don't have. I don't feel myself chained to   anything that is  outside myself- with a Thing"... yeah with capital T -; and when I do have to buy something that I really really need, I don't feel that epifanic joy when I buy it. 

But (there's always a "but" somewhere), being honest...yes, there's something (a "thing") that when I see it, I feel something like an imperative necessity of buying it: books. Yes, I have to admit it. I'm like a child in a toystore when I'm in a bookstore or in the public library, or anywhere with tons of books. I love how the old books smells, or the things that the first owner wrote years and years (and years and years and years) ago in the first pages, the decolorated and yellow appeal of the pages, the secrets that a book can have inside (in the silence of the no-spoken word) ; and the best part of all: reading it-. 

But (yes, another "but", and the worst but of all), here, the books are a luxury for the people who can buy "culture". I try to see some solutions on this topic, and I  have a few: maybe I can work and buy all the books that I want t0, but I don't have any worry in working, so that solution is not usefull for me; the second one was to shoplifting, but I'm too much of a  fool in things like stealing and all that kind of funny stuff (I can't even cheat in a test!).

At the end, I put myself some limits on my impulsive feelings and I start to think "c'mon , you don't need it that much", and it's true. Then, I'm back into my state of little bourgeois that convinces himself in not needing that kind of Things ( with capital T and without but).  

By the way, I'm a mess with money.